What kind of mother do you need?

As loud as you scream

for this ball that is not yours

Or these horrific sqeezing sounds you make

When things don’t go your way

It mirrors perfectly the inside of my brain

A stormy sea with waves that roll

Reaching for tranquility

far beyond my control

My heart is breaking with each stride

Torn between the woman and the mother

A pile of guilt I often hide

Being one but still the other

While you tell me I’m the best

It tears my heart apart

How can this be true

While I am struggling so hard

Would you not rather have another

One with strength that won't give in

To manage your kaleidoscope of sounds

With nerves of steel and thicker skin?

You tell me I’m the sweetest

after pushing you away

Trying to protect my bounderies

It’s too hard for me to say

I need your patience on this road

Please know my love for you is real

Even when I cannot cope

Even when I cannot deal

Tell me, what kind of mother do you need?

If it’s someone who may love herself

And take some time to grow

Who is allowed to dance

between a high and low

I can be that kind of mom

Who tries the best throughout your life

To give you love, to guide your way

Who, despite the struggle

despite the strife,

is here for you

Day after day